January 17, 1994, Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; this is where I spent the night playing games of Go Fish with one of the nurses in the waiting room. I was extremely fed up with the game and I just wanted my parents. Being five years old, I was not really sure why I was waiting for my parents, but I knew instantly that something was not right when my family returned with rivers of tears flowing down their faces. There was one person missing though, my three year old brother, Camren.
“A child’s experience of losing a sibling depends partly on their understanding of death, which is associated with age and developmental level.” (White). Seeing him laying motionless in a box was not enough for me to understand that my brother was gone, forever. This moment was permenantly etched into my mind. In order to help me cope with his loss, my parents bought me a book called Water bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children. The story, written by Doris Stickney, explains that all water bugs must leave the water and develop into dragonflies.
One day, the water bugs left in the pond would meet the dragonflies when they too developed into one. This book just upset me more. Specifically the line, “Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water…” (Stickney). My dream of my brother coming home was shattered. Research shows that children who experience the death of a sibling often have trouble with their health, behavior, school work, self-esteem, and development (White).
Several years after my brother’s passing, I started to become very introverted. I became very depressed and had nightmares of my brother’s funeral for years. All of the questions that had built up inside of me had to be answered. When I became a teenager, I finally found the courage to ask my parents what really happened. My parents began to explain what happened, and I finally found some closure. My brother was diagnosed with seven different heart defects. In an article written by my mother, she states, “It’s a day I’ll never forget. As they took him out of my arms, I told the surgeon to take good care of him. He told us not to worry. We went to the waiting room and waited for updates during the surgery. One of the OR doctors came in and I just knew by the look in her eyes that something was wrong. Call it mother’s intuition. She told us that there had been a terrible mistake. During surgery, the surgeon accidentally stitched his coronary artery and he suffered a heart attack. He was on life support for five days and then we had to turn off the machine. His fight was over.”
Losing my brother has made me the person that I am today. He taught me how to love with every thing I have. Death Cab for Cutie, writes in one of their songs called What Sarah Said, “Love is watching someone die.” This line cannot be more honest. You do not really understand what love is until you experience losing someone who was so close to you. “Surviving siblings may be troubled throughout life by a vulnerability to loss and painful upsurges of grief around the date when the sibling died.” (White). This is true. I feel the most upset around January 17.
I grew to learn that life throws obstacles at us every once in a while. I grew stronger and now I am able to live my life for him. I can wake up every day and appreciate every aspect of life. I now can proudly explain what the tattoo on the back of my neck stands for. I can talk about my brother’s amazing personality and his fight to live with a smile on my face. I can look up to my younger brother as a hero.
Works Cited
Fal, Diane. “Life’s Lessons: When A Loved One Dies.” Helium. 20 Jan. 2007. <http://www.helium.com/tm/638673/young-youll-understand-first>.
Stickney, Doris. Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children. Cleavland
ilgrim Press, 2004.
White, P. Gill. The Sibling Connection. 2000-2007. 20 Jan. 2007
<http://www.counselingstlouis.net/child.html>.
I chose to write a narrative essay. This essay is considered to be a narrative because of it’s frequent use of the word “I” as well as the fact that I am telling a story about my past and how it has helped me to value my life. The audience for my research paper would be people who’s lives have been changed by the loss of a loved one. If I were asked to revise this essay, I would probably consider including how writing and listening to music have helped me to cope with the loss of my brother. I feel that my strongest part of the paper is including the quote from my mother’s article and researching how children can be effected by experiencing death.